I went , on the doctors suggestion, to a therapist 3 weeks ago. From my last post, I am obviously not fully comfortable with my new look as well I was having some troubles with the whole "Near Death Experience" Thing.
It seems there are many people that think once you come that close.....You immediately have a crazy life changing dramatic experience. You see a light and move towards it and look down and see yourself...Then fall back in to your own body...Wake up...Stop swearing..Cut Meat out of your diet and go to church...
Well that may be true for many but not this kid...
I may tell people that "I saw Jesus calling me to me, beckoning me to his bosom. As I floated up, I heard the voice of my friend Derek Waters calling me back, I turned and saw Derek on a Giant Unicorn with nothing but a Glow in the Dark Sword and a pocket full of Churro's, Derek lured me back to my body." That did not happen (It may however have been a morphine induced delusion....But im pretty sure it happened way after I was out of harms way).
I have been feeling a lot of guilt that my life changing story isn't what people think of as a definitive moment in my life...That I should change my life in drastic ways to show my appreciation for being given a second chance....That Maybe I don't deserve another shot at this. But My life was Rad Before, It's only gonna get Radder (I will use that if I want to), And im so happy to have it back! Everything tastes better! I want to go skate the beach every second of every day. I never want to ever see a Cigarette again. I want to ensure that I take care of this vessel for the next 35yrs....But I have no "Find Jesus, Aliens probed me, Going Vegetarian, Im gonna move to Japan and save dolphins moment", That so many people ask about.
After meeting with Syd (The Therapist) I no longer have those guilty feelings, Syd explained that when people hear about what happened to me, they Google "Near Death Experience". What they see is a long list of stories of people floating over their bodies, Moving towards a light, Being spoken to etc...That are now going to drastically change their ways.
What they don't find however is the thousands of other people in the world who didn't have one of those experiences...Those people who already loved what they had and just appreciate life so much more and can't wait to get back to it...By the sounds of it...Im in good company.
Im going to keep going back to Syd, See if I Can't work out some other things that are bothering me or maybe holding me back...I only have a limited time on this earth...And I want to go as far as I possibly can!
I want to dedicate this blog to Gilles, Matty, Mark, Brad, Tammy, Matt, James and Derek....I'm sorry you never were able to talk it out...I will never know the darkness you lived in.
"Scar Tissue is Stronger Than Regular Tissue, Realize the Strength, Move On." - Henry Rollins
